So I’m in Walgreen’s. I’m there to get some medicine. I know how the pharmacy is though,
Knowing this, I always get myself mentally prepared before I head back to the hinterland strategically placed in the farthest corner of the store, (so all the elderly, sick and otherwise ailing will have to walk ALLLLLLLL the way through the building, thus coming in contact with a copious amount of other patrons, who will inevitably be exposed to whatever virus, ailment, or infection causes them to need drugs, thereby ensuring that a new harvest of sickies will be in next week for more over-priced, under-effectual pharmaceuticals. It’s just good business!) but I digress. . .
I have a plan before I go in. I hit the magazine counter first. I pick up reading “literature” I would never purchase, like Star, or Us, or some other salacious rag. I then meander down the drink aisle, because when I finally receive said medications, I will want to take one right away. And since I’m right there, I might as well pick up something upon which to gnosh. I pass by the cakes and donuts – I haven’t had lunch, and they look like insulin shock waiting to happen – and I’m not even diabetic. Maybe some trail mix? Nope. Everything’s got cranberries in it now – and I’m strangely and hugely allergic. How about an Oreo Cakester???? Uh-uh. I read somewhere that those are basically crap in a bag (I’m paraphrasing, of course, Kearsie). I finally decide upon something a little more substantial and better for me…Blue Diamond Bold Wasabi & Soy Sauce Almonds.
I get myself all settled and cozy and prepared for the 30 minute wait for the pharm-tech told me about. Good, I get to have 30 uninterupted minutes of reading about what Jennifer said about Angelina, and how Brad is really upset. All while sitting in the nice massage chair. Who needs a spa??? This is what I call a hot night in Brooksville. Mind you, it’s only 3:00 in the afternoon. I’ve only just cracked open my almonds – and I just found out “Who Wore it Better?” when they call my name. Aww, shoot! Oh, well. I make my drug buy, then head out of the store when something catches my eye.
It’s the paperback version of a teeny-bopper, vampire romance novel. At least, that’s what I surmise. Again, from what I’ve read from other bloggers (Sounds Like Tomatoes – Kearsie, here’s another plug for you.) it is full of angst and smells-like-teen-spiritedness. But Kearsie likes it, so maybe I’ll give it a go. I make my selection, leaving only one copy behind (man- this book is REALLY popular!), and I head down the aisle on the way to the cash register. Or so I think!
In another deviously planned plot, the evil geniuses who design the layout of stores and mega-marts have cunningly placed the romance novels and magazine racks conveniently located by the racks and racks of CHOCOLATE! It is of the devil, I tell you! As I dilly-dally, I find myself eyeing a bar of Ghirardelli’s Peppermint Bark chocolate. It is sinfully tempting, calling to me from it’s characteristically red and white striped box. I am further enticed with the warning that this delectation is a *gasp!* LIMITED EDITION. What if they’re all gone the next time I come to the store? What if I never get to sample the “rich chocolate layers sprinkled with festive peppermint?” Well, that tears it! I MUST have one.
Life choices made, I finally make it to the counter. I have a couple other necessities that I place on the counter. As the clerk tallies my quarry, the last two items to be totalled are the large bar of chocolate, and a smutty novel. I actually laughed out loud. The man looked at me, bewildered. (I get that a lot – I’m not sure why.) I tried to explain to him why that was so funny to me. But he just gave me the polite “you’re taking up my time, and I want you to go” chuckle, and handed me my purchases. In my mind, it was quintessential girlieness. I guess the musical lyricist said it best, “I enjoy being a girl.”