Category Archives: Bible Study

Finding Love: Chasing the Cat


I’ve been single for 46 years.  This isn’t really my choice, but it is my reality.  Part of my personality is to analyze and over think things as I shared in this post.  My love life has not been exempt from this habit of analysis paralysis.  I was talking to a friend of mine at work the other day and she said something that was eye-opening to me and really shed some light on the way that I have always approached relationships.

She told me the story about the time when she was a little girl.  She begged for a pet.  Her parents got her this kitten and she was so excited. She was so happy to have this new little feline friend that she wanted to spend all of her time with it.  She wanted to hold it, to pet it, to dress it up, and to have it return her abundant amount of affection.  The only problem?  The kitten was overwhelmed.  It was terrified and wanted nothing to do with this little girl.  It wrenched free of her affectionate grip and found refuge under the recesses of the little girl’s bed.  Crouching in the farthest corner, the kitten was terrified and shaking.  And my friend, chased the cat…trying to make the little animal love her back, but all the kitty wanted to do was to escape.  My friend was heart-broken.  She just wanted to love the kitten.  She wanted to have the kitten love her back. She envisioned a playmate and life-long friend, but the kitten was in a new place, with new people and the only thing it saw was an invasion.  What my friend didn’t know was that the best way to approach a cat is to relax and go about your business.  The cat will come to you.

So, what does this have to do with finding love?  Well, the fact is that people are more like that little kitten when it comes to romance than many of us realize.  At least more than I realize. About a year ago, I did some soul-searching and ending up fighting with God about the whole me still being single thing.  At the end of everything, I decided to move forward and approached finding love with a kind of military attack strategy.  I joined an online dating site.  Now I don’t know about you, but when I realize that my current approach is not working, I have a tendency to swing, like a pendulum, in the complete opposite direction. So instead of being shy and retiring, I started barreling in head and heart first.  In short, I was chasing the cat.

And just like that little kitten of my friend’s, the men that I met ran for the corner!  Understandably.  I was simply overwhelming them with my desire for a relationship.  And like my friend, I was heartbroken when they ran the other way.  And just like my friend, I didn’t understand. Until she told me her story.  All of a sudden, I realized what I had been doing. In my zeal for love and relationship that might lead marriage, I was being pushy.

I think that a lot of people fall into that trap.  We are so hungry to find love that we throw ourselves at the person we’re interested in.  We smother them with attention and affection thinking that our enthusiasm will translate to becoming a couple.  I wonder how many others are seeing this truth for the first time, too.

You know, when I was younger and so confused about why I was still single, I would ask my older, married friends for insight.  They would all invariably say, “When you’re not looking for it, love will find you.”  That used to really make me angry. I couldn’t see the truth in their wisdom.  I thought, “Pssh!  Easy for you to say…You’re married!”  I thought, “I’ll never not be looking for love.”  But I think that I finally understand.  What they were saying is don’t try so hard.  Don’t push.  Don’t chase the cat.  If you will relax and be yourself, when love is ready, it will find you.

I think that the bride in Song of Solomon has said it best.  This Biblical tome is all about the affections shared between two lovers.  It doesn’t get a lot of pulpit time, but maybe it should.  There are real nuggets of wisdom all throughout.  The beloved bride issues a challenge to women who are longing for romantic love.  In this very short book she says no less than three times,

“Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.”

Even then, she was telling us what my friend learned what the woman in the Song of Solomon was trying to say.  If you are interested in finding love?  Don’t chase the cat!

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Single Life


This is a talk that I will be sharing with a group of female residents at the Sumter County Correctional Intitute in June of this year.  I had some fellow attendees ask me to post it here.  It is long, the talk is supposed to last from 15 to 20 minutes. 

10th Talk – Residents Encounter Christ #14

Good morning, Ladies.  I’m going to talk to you this morning about a lifestyle that can be both the most frustrating and the most rewarding that you’ll ever know.  My talk is about the single life and I promise that you can be single, but never be alone.  Hi.  My name is Karen, and I am living that life.

From the time that we are born, little girls are conditioned to long for love.  We are told fairy tales with damsels and princesses who wait to be rescued by heroes and handsome princes.  We dream of weddings and dresses…of ceremonies and happily ever afters.  But the single life of reality doesn’t usually turn out that way, does it? Continue reading Single Life

Top 10 Automatic Replies to Avoid


This is a blog post that I wrote for work, but then I realized that this is great advice for everyone…not just parents.  What other automatic responses do you use?  Let me know in the comments section.

1. “Just a Minute.”

When parents say this, they are generally just placating the child.  You may think you mean, “Just a minute…” but it usually turns out to be much longer than that, if at all.  Your words hold a lot of weight with your children, and if you say “just a minute…” then that is a promise that you should keep. Continue reading Top 10 Automatic Replies to Avoid

3 Things to Do to Honor Your Parents


Even if your parents don’t know the Bible, odds are they have quoted it in the course of their parenting:  “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long…”  At least that was the case when I was growing up.  I had a real problem with that when I was a child.  To say I was stubborn would be like saying the Titanic was a boat!  I resisted authority…still struggle with that one.  I questioned every decision – and I mean EVERY decision…especially those made by my mom.  Why is that?  Well, because she was the most present parent.  She dealt with all the details of raising the four of us.  In the course of the every-day, I learned just how far I could push an issue and I determined to push as much as possible.  I wasn’t a bad kid.  On the contrary, she was often complimented on our excellent behavior and manners, but that didn’t change the fact that I challenged her. Continue reading 3 Things to Do to Honor Your Parents

10 Family Resolutions to Keep Next Year


The beginning of a new year carries with it the inevitable looking back paired with the hope of a fresh start and second (or third) chances.  As the clock moves ever closer to midnight on December 31st, we feel the need to promise to do better than we did last year.  We resolve to lose weight, to be on time, to be better with our money…to stop smoking or drinking or swearing.  By the time January 31st rolls around, many of us have had a relapse in our resolve.

Part of the reason that we fail to keep these resolutions is that we attempt to tackle them on our own.  So, this year, instead of making an individual promise that you’ll soon forget, why not make some resolutions as a family?  You help hold each other accountable and can grow closer in the process.

  1. A Weekly Family Game NightTake one night a week and make it a time of fun!  One week, pull out the cards and play “Old Maid” or “Crazy 8’s,” or teach the kids a game you used to play.  The next week, make it a Wii™ night…let technology bring you together and show the kids you’ve still got it (or at least you know where you left it).  Take a trip to the local bowling alley for a game.  Or pile up the board games on the dining room table and have a tournament.  The act of playing together fosters feelings of fun and family.  Playing board games can teach children important social skills such as taking turns and how to be a good winner or loser. They also learn a lot about interpersonal communication as you talk and laugh together while you play the game. Continue reading 10 Family Resolutions to Keep Next Year