Romantic love…the stuff of books, poems, songs and legend. Why does this topic merit so much attention? What is it about love between two people that generates so much, well…emotion? It’s the thing that many of us search our whole lives trying to obtain, yet it is elusive. It’s the thing that many of us fall into…with no warning or preparation. It’s the thing that poets, artists and musicians try to convey in their works, yet never quite get it right…because love is too big. It is too difficult for us to describe in our finite states. We cannot comprehend love because it isn’t human to love…it is divine.
That desire that we have to be in communion with another…that longing for physical touch and intimacy…that need to be needed…those aren’t accidental. We were designed to desire. We were created to caress. We were made to mate. Literally. It’s in our DNA to procreate, but that’s not all. The ultimate example of love that our Creator bestowed upon us, was not just the desire to make more humans, but the JOY and PLEASURE in doing so. The downside of all that joy and pleasure is heartbreak and pain when the love that we express to someone else is unrecquited.
But there is hope.
I have had my heart broken many times, I’m sad to say. The first time, I literally thought I would die from the pain. So heavy was my heart that I feared ever loving again, because I didn’t think that my little organ could handle the pain of another disappointment. But eventually…I dared to love again. And when that love didn’t last, my heart was again broken, but somehow less so. I hadn’t loved any less. I hadn’t lost any less. But my heart was better prepared and quicker to heal.
I’ve been in love again. Twice actually. I love a friend who can’t return my affections, but strangely, that doesn’t negate the love I have for him. In fact, the way he has handled my feelings…his care and concern for me…has actually made me love him all the more. But because I love him, I will let him go so that he can have what’s best for him.
The second love is a different kind…not as altruistic. It’s more a love of friendship and convenience, but there is still a desire for more. But this man doesn’t love me. He never will. And because I love myself, I will end the relationship. Even though I am choosing to move on, the pain in my heart is still real. I ache for him, and I miss him. I miss the idea of what we could have been and I grieve for the loss, but I know that my heart will heal. I have hope…
Hope that the creator of my heart knows what I need. Hope that the man He has made for me will find me. And hope that my broken heart will be made whole again the next time I love. Because that is the true cure for a broken heart…to take what’s left of your heart, and use it to love again.
This year I have decided to go through the Bible in a Chronological pattern. I must shamefully admit that I have never succeeded in following through on one of these reading plans. I found this great application on my Blackberry phone, and I was so impressed, I just had to share it. They have a website, too. As always – IF IT’S FREE, IT’S FOR ME! So I wanted to share what I found and encourage you to start the journey, too. There are more than 20 reading plans and several different options for time, and every version of the Bible imaginable to read from! There is a place to journal as you go through the reading and then if you would like to participate in the community aspect, they have a place for that, too! Truly, one of the best websites I have ever come across. I hope to find some of you there!
Usually when I read the Bible, I have a tendency to let my research curiosity take over and I end up cross referencing, back tracking, getting exegetical and otherwise just chasing down red herrings. I enjoy that! I learn so much that way, but I wanted to approach the scriptures a little differently this time. I want to simply stay in the moment. My plan is to simply document the thoughts and questions that occur to me during the course of the reading. Not to look for hidden meanings and answers, but simply to bask in the Word of God and to let it wash over me and envelope me completely. As such, there may or may not be any flow to the thoughts. I love to hear what scripture says to other people, so I am hoping that these entries will spark a dialogue with others.
And so the journey begins. I have decided to use The Message as my version of choice for this trip. I like the artistry of the language and I am looking forward to seeing new things as I travel down this familiar, well-travelled road. Let’s go!
First thing: The language of the Message is so colorful. I love the expression that the Earth was a soup of nothingness! Immediately followed by “God’s Spirit brooded like a bird…” What does that mean? The dictionary says: “4. (of a bird) to warm, protect, or cover (young) with the wings or body.” The imagery there is comforting. I can imagine the Lord looking down over the vastness with love, and covering the yet unformed earth in a protective embrace. He had not yet made us, but His love and attention was already focused and protective. Something really settles into my spirit about the concept of “covering.” The imagery elicited, from a bird protecting it’s nest, to God covering Moses with his hand, to the mother at Pompei who used her body to cover her child. The idea is amazing – protective, nurturing, comforting, peaceful.
Day Six in the creation landscape – God’s work so far has been like a painting. At first, broad strokes to cover great amounts of canvas, setting the stage for the finer work. With each passing creative expression, the work becomes more detailed and fine. The penultimate expression of God’s handiwork is revealed on this day. He created humans. He made us godlike! I wonder why He would do this? The way He created us, we REFLECT His nature. We are like the moon – we have no light source of our own, but we appear to shine because we mirror the light of the sun.
We just had a beautiful natural phenomenon occur over New Years‘ festivities. Our eyes were directed heavenward to behold the wonder that is a Blue Moon, or the second full moon in a month. It’s a fairly rare occurrence, made to seem even more important because it coincided with the beginning of a new year. It was easy to romanticize and marvel at the moon. I took several pictures and had my fair share of Lunar Lookiloo-itude. It was truly a beautiful sight to behold. The way that the glow illuminated the night sky was truly breathtaking. I found myself captivated by the sight of it, marveling at it’s magnificence. But the truth is, the moon has no power of it’s own. The ethereal qualities that we attribute to her are not her own. She is merely a mirror. She is so perfectly suited to reflect the true source of light – the sun, that sometimes we place credit where none is due. That’s what we are supposed to be. A vehicle of reflection – we are mirrors. We shine back the true source of light – the Son. Because the light is so beautiful, even in reflection, sometimes we give credit where none is due. Without the warming beams of the sun’s glow, the moon is just a rock. Without the loving glow of the Son’s touch, we humans are just animals. It is the REFLECTIVE qualities of being created godlike that make us so beautiful to behold.
God’s Ultimate act of creation: a day of rest. I think that just as we are sometimes overly impressed with the majesty of the moon, we are equally enamoured with our own existence. However, if we continue with the analogy of a painting, the final act is knowing when to stop. The best artists know when to step back from their creation and say – It is finished. They put down the paintbrush, then pause for a moment and just soak it in. That is the ultimate act of creation. God, ever the consummate artist, steps back from His creation and says – It’s done. It’s complete. He takes a step back, and breathes a sigh of satisfaction and simply takes in His handiwork. He allows Himself to enjoy what He’s just made. Oh, would that we would reflect that attribute of our Creator! This is the ultimate expression of creation because it allows us to enjoy the created. To revel in the completion of a task. To recuperate and recover from the process of doing. In addition to polishing up my reflective qualities, this is an attitude I long to embrace in the new year!
This season in my life, I have been reawakened to my desire to be partnered with a man. I don’t know what it is about Christians in particular that they feel the need to devalue or debase any desires that we have. As if desiring something is inherently bad. I have fallen into that mindset myself to a degree and often have chastised myself for wanting to be married. However this time through the scriptures, I am seeing that there is cause for the feelings I have experienced and am experiencing. Simply in verse 23. One word. Man says – FINALLY! Oh the implications and power in that one word! Here is a creation, situated in a perfect existence. Newly made, fresh off the line so to speak, all his parts are still shiny and new, but when he is presented with woman as a companion – man says “Finally!!” There is something within us that God created to desire fellowship with each other on an intimate level. So why is it that when we express that same feeling of anticipation, our “well-meaning” brothers and sisters imply (or some come right out and say) that we are being somehow less. That we should be content in our situation. That’s not the way I’m reading this.
Bear with me for the following metaphor – back when I was a child, we had thermometers with mercury in them. Invariably one would break and the silvery substance would spill out and puddle together. Curiosity would always overtake me, and I would collect the spilled contents into my hand. The mercury would bead up, and each little ball was perfect in it’s own right. But once two of the tiny rounds came into proximity of each other, there was an undeniable attraction that drew them into each other to reform into a new, larger, but still perfectly formed ball. There was no distinction between the old droplets and the new drop. They were capable of existing perfectly on their own, but given the opportunity, they were more suited to coalesce. The fact that one property of mercury is to desire to come together does not hinder it’s effectiveness. It doesn’t make it a weaker element. In fact, it is one of the traits of mercury that makes it unique. We are that way. We are made of the same stuff, and our natural inclination – a byproduct of our creation – is to be drawn to each other in an attempt to commingle or to cleave as the KJV calls it. This is not good or bad. It just is.
Obviously – my mind is focused on this subject, because what I feel the Lord revealing to me is primarily about the same subject matter. Chapter 3, verse 16 – the last line in the verse speaks volumes to the classic struggle between male and female. We want to please our husbands, and the the husbands will want to use that to rule over us. No wonder we can’t understand each other. It’s a product of the fall. I wonder if a couple who have been saved by grace can then go back and pray against the consequences of that first sin? Is it possible to reverse that curse? Hmmm. I wonder.